Catholic Anonymous

The internet is strewn with the dying carcasses of my previous blogs.

I love to write, but I don’t like getting mean comments. So, typically what has happened, is I would start something and persist in it for awhile. Then, after enough people (ok, one person) would throw enough verbal stones, I would stop. Nobody needs that kind of negativity.

You know how it goes. Someone says something mildly accusatory about your post in the comment section that, in a normal in-person conversation, would be totally fine because you can tell from their body language that they don’t mean anything bad by it. But this is Internet World, so instead every word they said sinks like acid into your soul until you feel like a hollow shell of yourself, having wasted countless hours in a tit-for-tat, mind-numbing exchange of comments that address none of the original reasons the two of you began talking in the first place but countless other bizarre topics that are not even tangentially connected to the original post till your head starts to burst.

Am I the only one who’s experienced this?

So why start another blog? I admit, it’s tentative. I’m dipping my toe back in and seeing how the water feels. But something is different this time. Maybe the 8th time’s the charm.

When I started up this one, I felt like the Holy Spirit was telling me something quietly: don’t evangelize. Or at least, don’t let that be the intent. That, whether I admitted it to myself or not, was what I was trying to do before. And I’m not good at it. And I don’t have the time to get good at it. I don’t have thick skin. I don’t like trying to make clever arguments that hide all the holes in mine. I don’t like rhetorical flourishes that serve only to make my opponent feel like an idiot – or at least make them think I think they’re an idiot.

And honestly, I want to be able to admit I’m wrong. I want that freedom. I mean, I guess you can do that as an evangelist. But there’s something about saying, “I’m an apologist everybody! I know everything about Jesus!” that is really disingenuous for me. Because I don’t know everything about Jesus or everything about anything for that matter.

I want an honest conversation without resorting to Hitler references, which is hard to come by on the web. I don’t know how to cue to people that when I ask questions, I sincerely want their answers. I’m eager to understand life from their point of view. They, themselves, interest me.

And sincerely, so far, this attitude has made all the difference. I find more peace commenting on other’s posts I disagree with. I give a relaxing sigh after getting something off my chest in a post and putting it up here. I’m at a place in life where I don’t feel the need to defend myself or my beliefs. I know why I believe what I believe. I know where the holes are, and I know why I can’t pull away even with those holes. I know why others are not convinced the way I am.

I’d rather just sit and have a beer with people, listen to them talk, and ask insightful questions. If that’s what blogging is, I’m all for it. If I can do that and call myself an evangelist, even better, because I know my faith teaches me to “spread the Gospel.”

But really, I just want to sit down and talk with you.

@2023 Catholic Anonymous